Financial Workplace Survival Guide – CH 082

Chapter 82 ☆, Desire Is Concrete And Real.

“Of course it’s you! What are you thinking?” Xin Xin gasped, immediately realizing that Zheng Zaochuan was very good at turning the tables. She suspected that Zheng Zaochuan, unable to explain his relationship with Su Meiling, decided to stand on the moral high ground and criticize her first.

Seeing that Xin Xin was angry, Zheng Zaochuan quickly comforted her, “I did not mean that.”

Xin Xin would not let him off the hook. “What does that mean?”

In relationships, Xin Xin rigidly pursued absolute fairness. In her mind, she and Zhao Xi had almost no personal interaction outside of their work relationship, and they had not even eaten together alone.

Yet Zheng Zaochuan was able to have meals and drinks with a woman he had once had an ambiguous relationship with and even give her the opportunity to answer his phone.

Clearly, Zheng Zaochuan was wrong in terms of boundaries.

Zheng Zaochuan fell silent under Xin Xin’s persistent questioning. After a while, he looked up and said ingratiatingly, “I should not have said that, Xin Xin. Please don’t be angry, okay?”

Seeing his somewhat sad and aggrieved expression, Xin Xin almost gave in first. However, thinking about her long-standing relationship with Zheng Zaochuan, even when he was clearly in the wrong, as long as he apologized, she was the one who would ultimately back down.

Thinking of this, Xin Xin hardened her heart and said coldly, “We will talk about it when you get back.”

That same day, Xin Xin told Mary about it.

Regarding their relationship, Mary succinctly observed, “I think you’re in a pseudo-intimate relationship.”

Xin Xin was a little confused. “Where’s the pseudo in it?”

“You are being too rational. You’re all trying to paint a rosy picture. Actually, love doesn’t make any sense. For example, you’re waiting for an explanation from him. No matter how normal things are between him and Su Meiling, you can still get angry. Similarly, no matter how normal things are between you and Zhao Xi, he could still get angry,” Mary explained with difficulty. “When other people are in love, they don’t talk about… being so rational.”

Jealousy for no reason and anger for no apparent reason—these perfectly normal occurrences in love were almost nonexistent in their relationship. What they offered each other was a perfect and rational love.

Mary gave an example: “For instance, Han Canghai and I broke up. We had a huge fight and hurt each other with the sharpest words. But in hurting each other, I understood that he was flustered by my fickleness, and I was saddened by his dishonesty. We touched each other’s core and thus achieved mutual understanding. But you can’t even touch each other’s core.”

Regardless of right or wrong, they would always back down. But this backing down did not bring them any closer.

Xin Xin fell silent; she fully understood what Mary meant. Zheng Zaochuan returned the call and explained everything, but it did not change her distressed and frustrated feelings.

Just like in the many years they’d known each other, there was an invisible boundary between them. If she was hurt, he would back down and pretend they were just ordinary friends. If Zheng Zaochuan was hurt, he would also back down and pretend nothing had happened.

At this moment, Xin Xin finally realized that they were like two people dancing a waltz, seemingly inseparable at first glance but actually just going around in circles.

This unease finally erupted when he met Zheng Zaochuan two days later.

Zheng Zaochuan said he would be back soon, but he actually disappeared for two more days. Xin Xin called and messaged him during this time, but Zheng Zaochuan only told her that he was still busy.

Two days later, when Xin Xin returned home, Zheng Zaochuan acted as if nothing had happened, preparing a meal and waiting for her at home.

Xin Xin was overwhelmed with sadness almost the instant she opened the door and smelled the aroma of the food. Watching Zheng Zaochuan, wearing an apron and humming a song as he served the dishes, she felt so heartbroken she nearly burst into tears.

Zheng Zaochuan turned around and saw Xin Xin. He had just given her a big smile, but when he saw her expression, his smile froze on his face.

He stood there like a bewildered child who had made a mistake, at a loss for what to do. After a moment, he walked over and asked cautiously, “Are you still angry with me? I’m sorry.”

Xin Xin could not control herself and retorted harshly, “What did you do wrong?”

Zheng Zaochuan looked bewildered. “I’ve been really busy these past few days.” After saying that, he hurriedly grabbed a bag from the sofa. “I brought you a gift.”

Xin Xin glanced at the bag; it was an expensive woman’s handbag.

Disappointment.

My heart was overflowing with disappointment, so heavy that she did not even have the energy to be angry.

“If you just need a girlfriend you can take or leave, why not find a girl who likes bags? You can send her money regularly, disappear from her life anytime, and then reappear with a gift, and she will still be happy to greet you.” Xin Xin almost said “break up,” but she held back.

She could not bear to let go, even though it was a relationship she felt was unreliable from the past to the present.

There was no rational jealousy or suspicion, nor was there any rational reluctance to part with it.

Zheng Zaochuan listened to her words in a daze, his fingers nervously loosening and then curling up again. After a while, he finally mustered up the courage to ask, “Are you tired of me? Why do you want me to find someone else?” His expression looked almost desolate, but the next moment he smiled, a smile that Xin Xin was familiar with—a nonchalant but seemingly natural and happy smile.

“If you don’t like this bag, I can give you something else. I can give you anything you like, as long as you’re happy.”

Xin Xin’s breathing became rapid, as if she had punched cotton. She would rather Zheng Zaochuan be angry and embarrassed, or even angrily ask her why she did not trust him, than be like this.

Like parents who had been away on business trips for a long time, constantly breaking their promises and lacking time to spend with their children. When they finally return home, they buy their children gifts and expect a warm hug and unwavering love from them.

If these things could mask the uncertain and painful feelings Xin Xin had after talking to Su Meiling, then she did not love Zheng Zaochuan at all.

But at this moment, the feeling of suffocation told Xin Xin that she actually loved Zheng Zaochuan quite a bit.

“Zheng Zaochuan, I’m your girlfriend, not your puppy.” As soon as Xin Xin spoke, tears welled up in her eyes, and she could not hold them back any longer. “Yes, I can accept that you’re busy, and I will try not to bother you. But even if you’re busy, could you at least call me to let me know? But you did not. When I called you, the person who answered was a woman you used to have an ambiguous relationship with.”

Zheng Zaochuan hurriedly wiped away Xin Xin’s tears and awkwardly pulled her into his arms.

But Xin Xin angrily pushed him away, accusing him: “You just casually told me that nothing happened between you two. You said you would come back soon, but once again there was no news, and you were two days late. In the end, you tried to gloss over the fact that nothing had happened.”

Zheng Zaochuan hurriedly explained, “That’s not what I meant.”

With red eyes, Xin Xin asked him, word by word, “Zheng Zaochuan, your nonchalance and capriciousness will eventually drive others crazy. From the very beginning, what terrified me most about being with you was that I would become a hysterical woman and never receive any promises.”

She tried again and again to get a definite answer, but I always got meaningless replies.

Zheng Zaochuan’s hand, which had been trying to hug Xin Xin, fell limp. His eyes were red, but he stared at her stubbornly. “I’m sorry; I will do anything you ask, as long as you don’t leave me.”

Like a child who had not grown up, he tentatively tugged at Xin Xin’s sleeve. “I promise you, I can give you everything I have.”

Xin Xin finally softened and said, choking back tears, “You are not allowed to see Su Meiling anymore, and you should not be involved with other women, okay? If it happens again, I will make you understand how this feels.”

Zheng Zaochuan solemnly promised, “I swear, there will never be a next time.”

He reached out and embraced Xin Xin, kissing her with lips damp with the saltiness of tears. Xin Xin returned the kiss. They clung to each other passionately, holding each other with all their might.

When love was on the verge of collapse, they chose to indulge in lust.

Zheng Zaochuan’s fingers slipped inside Xin Xin’s clothes, caressing her skin inch by inch, igniting her cold body, gradually turning her into a fireball.

No one knew how the clothes were removed, nor did anyone care about the matching lingerie. There was no romantic entanglement, only the following of physical instincts.

Zheng Zaochuan’s delicate kisses landed on Xin Xin’s fair skin, his usually moist and innocent eyes now tinged with an inky blackness and a tidal wave of desire. He bit Xin Xin’s earlobe and whispered in her ear in a husky voice, “I love you; you will never know how much I love you.”

Xin Xin reached out and hugged him, feeling love and desire in their passionate embrace. She did not answer but pressed her body against his, her long legs wrapped around Zheng Zaochuan’s waist, her seductive breaths tempting him, “Hold me.”

Zheng Zaochuan’s chaotic breathing mingled with Xin Xin’s disordered moans. In the fading light, they could not see each other’s faces, but their other senses were heightened. They mercilessly dragged each other into desire, ultimately plunging together into darkness. Love was abstract, but desire was concrete and real.

They kissed each other, using the physical distance to compensate for the inadequacy of words.

Physical pleasure broke down that cold, distant barrier between them.

Xin Xin felt that they had made up. Even when they went to reheat the cold food together that evening, Xin Xin almost forgot the reason for their argument.

In a daze, Xin Xin almost felt that there was no problem between them. She attributed all the unspeakable barriers and feelings of helplessness between them to unfulfilled desires.

That evening, Zheng Zaochuan gently helped Xin Xin take a bath, then stood behind her and dried her hair. His movements were gentle, as if he were treating a precious doll.

“I will tell you a secret. I wanted to do this the first time we looked at the stars together.”

Xin Xin asked groggily, “Pervert.”

Zheng Zaochuan laughed, “No, I didn’t want to do it with you. I wanted to wash your hair. It’s the first time I’ve seen hair that looks like seaweed. I thought it would be so romantic to slowly blow-dry it.”

T/N: It would be totally odd to not have a spicy chapter for a story about thiry-something year olds.