Spring Message in the Snow – CH 093

Chapter 93

Inside the Li family’s carriage, a strangely tense atmosphere lingered.

Li Shu’an had long since sobered up, and his smiling face was no longer the one he’d had at the Zhang family’s. He remained silent from the moment he sat in the carriage, just as he had been that morning.

The two sat side by side, without any interaction, not even a trace of the sweet intimacy of newlyweds. They seemed like strangers forced together, filled with reluctance and a sense of alienation.

Qingrou naturally did not want the stalemate to continue. After all, the sisters were gathered together today. Mianmian and Song Mingchi’s intimacy was obvious, and even the Heir Apparent, who had taken a wrong step, had returned to the right path; at least his eyes shone when he looked at her second sister.

What woman in the world did not yearn for her husband’s true love? Although she did not say it aloud, she still felt a little envious of her two sisters’ marriages. This afternoon, her impulsive actions had left her filled with regret. She was terrified that her careless words would sting him. She hoped that someone drunk would not remember the details; after all, she did not have the confidence to actually mention divorce.

Her gaze flickered as she secretly glanced at him. His profile looked cold. She remembered his two previous visits; at least he’d had a smile. Now that she was married, was there no need for pretense?

She racked her brains, trying to think of something to talk about, at least to ease the tension. But before she could think of anything, Li Shu’an spoke first, his eyes fixed straight ahead, refusing to spare her even a glance, and bluntly asked, “Did you tell your sisters everything about us?”

Qingrou was startled; she had not expected his first question to be accusatory. She felt a pang of guilt, unsure how to answer. Seeing the barely concealed anger on his face, he said with disdain, “I never imagined you’d even tell others about your own bedroom affairs! Do you not have any self-respect, no sense of propriety, no privacy? We have not yet consummated our marriage. You mean that if we did, you’d tell them all? It’d be like you stripped me naked and presented me to your sisters for them to laugh at. Have you considered my situation? If I’d known this would happen, I should not have come today. What bad luck!”

His accusations were deeply hurtful, leaving Qingrou speechless. She knew it was wrong of her to tell her sisters about her private matters, but he was the one who had caused her distress first. Why should she have to suppress her bitterness and not seek solace and comfort from her closest family?

While that was true in principle, a man’s pride was also important. She had indeed been careless with her words this time, making a mistake. Perhaps he had originally intended to settle down, but now this outburst had pushed him further away.

Thinking of this, she said awkwardly, “They did not say anything, just told me to treat you even better.”

Li Shu’an glanced at her wistfully. Such a dull-witted beauty was truly disheartening. They were both young girls, so why was there such a big difference? He remembered her lively and spirited self before, so capable and charming. If it were not for their unfortunate fate, what a perfect couple they would be now…

His disappointment was silent, just like his unspoken, unexpressed infatuation. He finally looked away from her face, and when the carriage arrived at the gate, he alighted first and stepped over the threshold without looking back.

Qingrou, holding the maid’s hand, watched his retreating figure with a bewildered expression. This was her newlywed life, filled with anger and resentment.

The maid, Pipa, seeing her unmoving, gently called out, “Madam, it’s cold outside; come inside!” The maidservant, Nanny Hua, also came to help her.

The charcoal in Qingrou’s hand warmer had long since burned out, leaving only a cold, empty shell, but she still held it tightly in her hands, carrying it all the way back to her courtyard.

Another maid, Gao Gao, helped her remove her cloak and asked, “The hot water is ready. Would you like to wash up now, Madam?”

Qingrou seemed not to hear. Seeing this, Nanny Hua called for hot water to be brought in and helped her wash her hands and face, saying, “It’s not a good idea for the young master to sleep in the study every day. Madam, you should try to persuade him to go back to his room.”

Qingrou could not help but smile bitterly, “Is it that I do not want him to go back to his room? It’s that he does not want to!”

Nanny Hua also felt it was difficult, pondering, “No matter what, Madam cannot just let it go like this. I am afraid that the longer it goes on, the more distant he will become. This is a lifelong matter.”

Everyone understood the principle, but with his unyielding attitude, she really did not know where to start.

After washing up and sitting on the bed, she pondered for a long time, wondering whether she should continue to live in this ambiguity or try again. Anyway, no one in this secluded mansion knew about it. She was willing to swallow her pride and invite him; even if she was rejected, it would not be shameful. At least she had tried, and she would have given herself an explanation.

So, gritting her teeth, she put on her cloak, picked up the small lantern from the doorway, and walked along the wooden corridor. The study was not far from the main house; it was just a short walk away. Through the thick fog, she could vaguely see light streaming from the study window. She walked to the corridor, paused briefly, and then knocked on the door.

Inside, Li Shu’an was making the bed. Thinking it was a servant bringing tea, he responded with a “Come in.” However, when he saw it was she who opened the door, he paused slightly in surprise.

She wore a snow-white nightgown, over which she wore a brocade cloak with lotus patterns. Thick fox fur trim partially obscured her clean-cut face. Standing at the door, she called out, “My Lord, the study is rather cold. Come with me to the room to sleep.”

Li Shu’an indifferently looked away. “No need. I will sleep here. You go back.”

He thought she would back down, but unexpectedly, she walked straight over and sat on the edge of the bed. “Since My Lord wants to sleep here, then I will sleep here too.”

These words exhausted her self-respect. A Zhang family girl had always been well-mannered; she had never offered herself up as a concubine. But her sacrifice failed to move him. He even said with some disgust, “Are you in such a hurry? I thought you were a lady of high society, but I did not expect you to be so shameless.” Then, somewhat roughly, he pulled her up.

Qingrou was stunned, exclaiming incredulously, “My Lord, are you going to debase me like this?”

Li Shu’an turned to face the lamplight, half his face submerged in darkness, the deep shadow somewhat frightening. “Debase you? You’ve clearly brought this upon yourself!” he said, staring at her, gritting his teeth. “Are you going to stay here and continue listening to me say those hurtful things?”

It seemed unnecessary; she understood his meaning.

She staggered back two steps, wanting to say something more but unsure where to begin. Finally, dejected, she walked out of his study, and as soon as she stepped out the door, she heard it slam shut behind her.

Was she truly shameless? A man did not want to touch her, yet she still offered herself to him—it was indeed self-humiliation. She began to regret coming today; why was she still so persistent? Her initiative had only deepened his disgust. He had not directly told her to get out; he was already being lenient with her dignity.

Stunned, she carried the lamp and walked back, lost in thought. She walked for an unknown amount of time, the thick fog soaking her hair. Those in the room, seeing her return like this, exchanged bewildered glances, quickly offering dry towels to wipe her hands, then helping her remove her cloak and change into her nightgown, tucking her into the fragrant bedding.

Perhaps due to catching a chill the previous night, or perhaps due to the significant emotional blow she had suffered, Qingrou fell ill the next day. The illness was not severe, just lingering. She was ill for over half a month, finally becoming emaciated. During this time, Li Shu’an visited her twice at his mother’s behest. The rest of the time, he spent in his study reading and practicing calligraphy, reportedly preparing for next year’s imperial examination. Therefore, he voluntarily waived his New Year’s visit to his in-laws’ home.

On the third day of the Lunar New Year, Qingrou, barely managing to muster her spirits, returned to her parents’ home accompanied by several maids. Entering the garden to pay respects to her grandmother, everyone was there. Upon seeing her, she was almost unrecognizable. Even the Grand Madam noticed something amiss and quickly offered her a seat, pressing her for details. “It’s only been twenty days; how have you become so haggard?”

She tried to appear composed, smiling as she said, “I caught a cold and was quite ill. It was not anything serious, but I just did not want to eat, so I lost a lot of weight. Grandma, do not worry, I am much better now. A couple of days ago, my appetite returned, and I can eat again.”

The Grand Madam pursed her lips, glanced at Lady Ling, and said nothing, but her eyes held a reproachful glint, making Lady Ling’s heart flutter.

“Quick…quickly prepare a cup of apricot jelly for Qingrou!” Lady Ling hurriedly made arrangements, then asked Qingrou, “Why did Young Master Li not come along?”

Qingrou replied, “Is the imperial examination not coming up soon? The Emperor himself will set the questions; his performance will depend entirely on this. He’s studying at home.”

The Grand Madam frowned upon hearing this. “All the princes in our family have come back to pay their respects for the New Year. This Young Master Li will probably become a prime minister someday; only then will his hard work be worthwhile.”

Helian Song, who was sitting nearby drinking tea with his brothers-in-law, immediately put on a fawning smile when his grandmother mentioned him.

Accompanying one’s wife home for the New Year was of utmost importance, especially for the first New Year after marriage; it could not be taken lightly. This Li Shu’an—who knew how busy he was? Considering the heavy pressure at court, the Emperor had not yet agreed to the decision regarding the Heir Apparent’s return to Longyou. Did that mean he could let his wife go back to her parents’ home alone for the New Year? Absolutely not!

On such a day of family reunion, every son-in-law would be present; even those from as far away as Quanzhou would return to curry favor with their father-in-law. The Wang family had almost betrothed Surou, and Wang Pan had even bowed to Surou from afar at Yang Tower, a matter he had always held a grudge about. Therefore, he was exceptionally friendly to his brothers-in-law today, inviting Song Mingchi and Su Runqing and having Wang Pan drink five or six cups of tea, filling his stomach with water. They chatted animatedly about next year’s exam questions and discussed maritime trade, enjoying a pleasant conversation while keeping a close eye on Wang Pan.

So he was truly a likable person, always getting things done smoothly and evenly. Previously, Grand Madam Zhang and Lady Pan had wanted to break his legs because of his extramarital affair, but after his efforts to please them—even going to great lengths to bring back fine furs for the elders—he finally escaped being universally hated and regained his standing among the elders.

Helian Song was smug, while Qingrou was embarrassed, stammering, “If he does not come, he does not come. It will not matter if he’s not here.”

Grand Madam Zhang did not say anything, but she knew what was going on. Before the marriage, Li Shu’an had refused to visit his in-laws’ home, which had long displeased her. She had thought things would improve after the marriage, but he even missed the New Year’s greetings. She wondered if he was inherently aloof or simply looked down on the Zhang family.

Look at Qingrou. She used to be so well-fed when she was young, but now she looked like a wilted vegetable, exuding a sickly aura. But since everyone was present, she could not ask in detail. When they were alone, she still reminded Surou, “Keep an eye on your third sister. She’s so pitiful. Her own mother cannot make decisions for her, and her stepmother does not take her seriously. How come she’s become so thin and frail after only a little over a month of marriage? I am really worried about her.”

Surou, of course, knew the inside story, but she could not tell her grandmother yet. She vaguely replied, “I will ask her later. Perhaps she’s not used to life in the Li household. After all, she’s just married into the family; we should give her some time.”

Qingrou’s health was indeed somewhat weak; sitting for too long made her complexion pale. Later, when everyone in the main room started playing cards, Shangrou had to coax Ze An to take a nap. Only Surou was free, so she got up and called Qingrou, saying she would take her back to her room to rest.

Walking in the garden, where no one was around, Surou said, “You said you wanted to keep it from Grandmother, but Grandmother has already figured it out. Young Master Li did not even show up for the New Year’s greetings; he’s so clueless. Why does the Vice Magistrate’s wife not give him a heads-up?”

Qingrou looked down at the blue bricks on the ground, saying weakly, “He’s always turning a deaf ear. His parents cannot do anything about him either.”

Surou was puzzled. “It’s been over a month, and you still have not…”

Qingrou nodded. “I sleep in the bedroom; he sleeps in the study. We keep to ourselves and do not usually have any contact.”

Surou was almost amused by her anger. “Going through all that trouble to get married just to be mistreated? He does not seem to care about the future at all; what a lovesick fool!”

Hearing her say “lovesick fool,” Qingrou hesitated and glanced at her. “Second Sister, have you heard something?”

Surou Helplessly, she said, “Before your marriage, I asked Jie Ran to inquire about Li Shu’an. Everyone, from the school to relatives and friends, said he was an upright man with no faults. Now, thinking back, I realize I inquired in the wrong direction. Just a couple of days ago, I attended the full-moon banquet of the Grand Councilor’s grandson, and there I met the wife of Jin Du Cao. She’s related to the Zhongxing Langzhong family, and from her, I learned that Li Shu’an and the fourth young lady of the Yu family were deeply in love, truly to the point of ‘I will marry no one but you.’ Later, Fourth Young Lady Yu died in a fall from her horse, and Li Shu’an swore at the Yu family that he would never marry again. The Yu family was deeply moved and even became sworn brothers…” She grew increasingly melancholy, “If we had known this would happen, we should not have gotten involved in this mess. Now, you have to endure this humiliation. You can fight with the living, but how can you fight with the dead?”

Qingrou, however, breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s good… It’s good that it’s confirmed. He really cannot let go of his former fiancée. Second sister, it’s not that I did not try. To win him over, I shamelessly tried to get close to him, only to be met with the words, ‘You brought this upon yourself.’ Because of those words, I was sick for almost half a month, and he did not care about me at all during that time. Today, it seems my previous suspicions have been confirmed. It looks like this marriage is completely ruined.”

“Then what are your plans?” Surou asked. “Are you just going to endure this for the rest of your life?”

Qingrou’s face revealed boundless sorrow. “What else can I do? I am extremely unwilling, but there’s no way out. If I have even the slightest chance, I will crawl out of the Li family, even if I have to.”

Surou suddenly stopped, staring intently at her. “Have you thought it through? You will leave the Li family as long as there’s a way?”

Qingrou was startled by her sudden seriousness. Looking into those eyes, Qingrou nodded involuntarily. “Staying in the Li family for even a day means more suffering… But if I divorce, I fear it will damage my reputation. In this world, women are always the first to be criticized; I wonder what people will say about me.”

Surou said, “Divorce will definitely be devastating. Even if the two families part amicably, it will not sound good in other people’s mouths. So you need to think it through first. If you’ve made up your mind, then we must strike first, control public opinion, and make everyone in the capital sympathize with you. Only in this way can we protect your reputation so that you will not have to compromise too much when you remarry in the future.”

Qingrou’s dim eyes suddenly brightened after hearing these words. “Is there really a way to escape unscathed? I am just afraid… afraid…”

What was she afraid of? She could not say. Actually, Surou understood even without her saying it. She had too many concerns and could not decide until the very last moment.

What Surou could do right now was find her an alternative. Surou said, “I think I should tell Grandmother about this. If my uncle and aunt do not stand up for you, Grandmother will not stand idly by. Most of our brothers and sisters are already engaged, and Jiezhi and Liu Jieshi’s families are just waiting for the betrothal ceremony. Now only Yingrou and Chengzhi are left. If you divorce, it will have some impact on their marriages, but as long as public opinion is on our side, plus Grandmother’s reputation and connections accumulated over the years, we can minimize this impact. You do not need to worry. I am telling you this today not to make you divorce, but just an explanation of the pros and cons, so that one day when you want to make a decision, you will not have to hesitate.” She paused, then asked, “After the New Year, when will your mother-in-law go to Liangzhou?”

Qingrou replied, “It’s said to be in March. She has asthma and has to wait until the weather is warmer before she sets off.”

Surou said, “If a decision needs to be made, it must be made before your mother-in-law leaves the capital so that it can be done quickly and without wasting time.”

Qingrou struggled to process her words and, after a long while, said, “Second Sister, what exactly is your plan? Why not tell me now?”

Actually, the plan was not complicated at all; as long as everyone worked together well, it would be fine. Surou said, “For official families, reputation is paramount. If a daughter-in-law of any prominent family were to commit suicide, the whole capital would know in no time. Even if they wanted to keep it a secret, people would find out the truth. We will choose a time of nightfall, when it’s quiet outside, and make as much noise as possible. Then we will send someone to inform my residence and the Zhang Mansion. You do not need to worry about the rest; I will handle it. However…” she added cautiously, “It’s a lose-lose situation. Being pitied by everyone is not easy, and it might hurt your pride. But given how Li Shu’an treated you, it’s understandable that we’d retaliate to avoid future trouble. If other unsuspecting girls do not suffer the same fate as you, it will be a good deed.”

Qingrou was shocked upon hearing this, stunned for a long time, and almost bursting into tears. “This…is it feasible?”

Surou nodded. “We need to let everyone in the capital know that the Li family wronged you; let everyone know that you are still an innocent girl. If the two families are negotiating a divorce, that will play right into the Li family’s hands. You will suffer in silence for the rest of your life, covering for Li Shu’an. I’ve thought about it carefully. It’s not good to explain to everyone that you did not consummate your marriage. It’s better to use this momentum to publicize it so your family can openly support you and demand justice from the Li family.”

In Qingrou’s simple and stable life, this was an unprecedented and massive scheme. She felt terrified but also relieved, like someone grabbing onto a piece of driftwood in a raging storm. She asked in a trembling voice, “Second Sister, are my father and stepmother really willing to stand up for me?”

Surou said, “That’s why you need to send someone to inform me first. I will personally question the Li family. Later, when Uncle and Aunt arrive, things will not be so easily resolved. Plus, Grandmother will stand up for you. Do not be afraid; even if things get worse, you will not rot within the Li family.”

Qingrou repeatedly said yes, crying, “Thank you so much, Second Sister, for worrying so much about me.”

Surou raised her hand to wipe away her tears. “We are sisters; there’s no need for such formalities. I think at least Elder Sister has Ze’an. You have no children of your own; why stay in the Li family and live like a widow? But you will have to consider my suggestion carefully. Anyway, there’s no hurdle in life that you cannot overcome. Do not just cry; crying is the most useless thing.”

Qingrou gradually calmed down, remembering that she should not be so sentimental during the New Year, so she put on a smile and, taking Surou’s hand, said, “I have not touched Sir Twelfth for a long time. I am in the mood today. Second sister, let’s go. I will make you some tea.”