The Missing Daughter – CH 013

Chapter 13. Boyfriend 4

Bad news, my boyfriend was dead.

Good news, I took his ghost home.

The ghost Jiang Shen looked thinner and paler than the living Jiang Shen, as if he were malnourished. I thought that since no one burned paper money for him, he might not be getting enough to eat down there.

Of course, it could also be that in my imagination, ghosts should look like this.

Thinking of this, my heart ached terribly.

That very day, I went to the funeral supply store in the city and bought him a bunch of food.

The ghost Jiang Shen treated me very well. He didn’t have to go to work, and he never went out. Every day, he was like a little wife waiting for me to come home.

Of course, I didn’t need to work. We had a lot of savings; we paid off our mortgage six months ago, thanks in part to my all-nighters and also to Jiang Shen’s terrifyingly high earning power.

What did that mean?

It was like me plus the world’s richest person equals the world’s richest person.

So, me plus Jiang Shen equals being financially secure.

Besides, we had a joint savings account, so even if I didn’t work for the next few years, I wouldn’t starve.

The 50,000 yuan Jiang Shen withdrew before he died was from our joint savings account. Because it was a passbook withdrawal, I didn’t receive a bank notification.

That night, after bringing Jiang Shen’s ghost home from the bridge, it was the best night’s sleep I’d had in a long time.

The next day, I went out and traveled across most of the city before returning.

When I placed the entire paper bag in front of him, I thought Jiang Shen must be pleasantly surprised, though he was only pretending to be calm. So I said, “Eat!”

Jiang Shen, wearing the white sweater he only wore at home, sat cross-legged on the soft cushion on the floor. He looked at the paper bag, then looked up at me, and then frowned slightly. “What’s this?”

I poured out a pile of incense sticks, candles, paper money, and paper effigies of chickens, sheep, and cows.

Imagining his tearful gratitude, I couldn’t help but generously say, “You must have been starving for days, right? Eat up!”

Jiang Shen. “…”

After a moment, he coughed. “Um, I like the food you eat.”

I looked at the food on the table. “Don’t like it? Why don’t you try it first? This is the best restaurant in the city.”

Jiang Shen couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “What is all this? Do you really think I’m a ghost?”

“Aren’t you?”

“Don’t always remind me of this. Is it so hard to treat me like a person?”

“Then you…”

“I’m hungry.”

He looked at me expectantly. “I’ll cook for you. I saw you bought a lot of groceries in the fridge, but you haven’t touched them, and some have gone bad.”

I thought about it and nodded.

Jiang Shen, the ghost, was right. He might not really be a ghost; he might be some kind of being I imagined. Since he was an illusion, it was reasonable for him to eat the same food as I did.

The food he cooked tasted the same as before.

At first, I was enjoying my meal, but then it dawned on me…

Wait, something’s wrong.

My condition escalated from mild auditory and visual hallucinations to severe delusions without any gradual progression. Even in my delusions, I learned to cook—something I hadn’t mastered in years.

If Dr. Sun hadn’t been suspended from his practice, and he knew my situation…

He would probably feel regret and find it troublesome.

I asked the ghost Jiang Shen what happened before he died.

He looked like he was racking his brains and then, after a long struggle, finally gave up. “I can’t remember. There are so many things I can’t remember.”

He was just a figment of my imagination. What I didn’t know, he probably didn’t know either.

After staying home for a few days, I received a call from Lianyu’s parents, but I knew nothing about Lianyu’s whereabouts. Officer He’s side also made no progress; after all, she was lost in Yangshan City, outside their jurisdiction. I heard the case was transferred to the Yangshan City police, but there had been no further news.

What exactly happened to Lianyu?

Although her personality wasn’t particularly pleasant, she wasn’t a bad person either. Like any ordinary girl, she was cheerful, optimistic, had her own circle of friends, and loved adventure and ghost stories. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been so enthusiastic about the “sea monster” stories of Yangshan and always wanted to see them.

I told Jiang Shen that I wanted to go to Yangshan City.

He hesitated for a moment, then nodded, saying that if we really wanted to find someone, we should drive. It wasn’t far anyway. I had a driver’s license, but I didn’t like driving. Every time we went on a long trip, Jiang Shen would drive. I hesitated, wondering if, in my imagination, I possessed not only superb cooking skills but also excellent driving skills.

Jiang Shen reassured me.

He said, “Even if we get into a car accident, we’ll die together.”

I glared at him. “I promised Auntie I’d live well. I have a bright future ahead of me. I don’t want to die with you.”

Jiang Shen looked at me and smiled, his wolf-like eyes narrowing slightly, a mischievous and helpless expression on his face.

This small gesture was exactly the same as the way I remembered him.

But I always felt that perhaps he was a figment of my imagination and therefore carried my emotions.

—For example, in those eyes, there was something else that the Jiang Shen I knew didn’t possess.

Not as gray as sadness, nor as intense as pain; it wasn’t negative, yet it seemed to hold a cautious joy of something lost and then regained.

Just like my attitude towards Jiang Shen’s ghost.

He was like a mirror reflecting my emotions.

Even though it was I who had lost and then regained him.

I didn’t want to delve into whether the Jiang Shen before me was my imagination or his ghost.

I feared that once I saw the truth, I would be plunged into boundless pain and darkness.

This kind of life was enough.

This kind of life was like a bubble, beautiful and dazzling, yet incredibly fragile; a single prick would cause it to burst completely.

But he and I…

Neither of us wanted to be the one to pop that bubble.

**

Yangshan was a seaside city. It got its name from a small hill called Yangshan. Because of its proximity to the sea, the weather and environment here were relatively humid and hot, and rainy.

Recently, due to high tide and heavy rain, a small number of houses near the sea were flooded.

The heavy rain also affected many domestic and international flights.

Since ancient times, there had been legends of sea monsters here. Some said the monsters were huge; others said they were half-human, half-fish monsters, and still others said that pythons roamed the area, but everyone knew that pythons were rarely seen near the sea.

Because of embellished accounts by some bloggers and excessively photoshopped videos and photos, the legend of the Yangshan sea monster spread, attracting a large number of tourists.

It was true that the local government used this as a tourist gimmick, establishing a sea monster park to cater to tourists coming from along the river.

We drove to the Yangshan High-Speed ​​Railway Station and drove around the area. The environment in Yangshan was slightly worse than in our city, and the public security was indeed a bit chaotic. The area outside the high-speed railway station was filled with all sorts of people.

Yangshan’s layout and road conditions were particularly winding; it was easy to get lost while driving.

But Jiang Shen, true to form, even as a ghost, remained incredibly skilled. Arriving in Yangshan felt like returning home; he always found the fastest shortcut to wherever I needed to go.

If I hadn’t known Jiang Shen since childhood, I would have suspected he was a local.

Unfortunately, the police couldn’t find any clues, and naturally, Jiang Shen and I also discovered nothing.

After spending several days in Yangshan, we came up empty-handed and had to leave.

A few days later, He Chenghui called to thank me for the idea, saying they would try to find Lianyu by waterway. I was a little surprised because I didn’t remember mentioning it to him.

But my phone’s text message records showed that the day before I left Yangshan, I had sent He Chenghui a message saying that Yangshan City and our city were connected by the same river, making waterway and boat searches difficult, but it was the best way to transport people.

There were also fewer surveillance cameras on the river than on the road.

Jiang Shen said that perhaps I had heard about the waterway from a resident of Yangshan when I went there, and then sent a message to He Chenghui, but forgot about it.

That was possible.

After returning home, I resigned, planning to rest for a few months and then find a new company next year. Several design companies had invited me, offering good terms.

Jiang Shen still preferred to stay at home, but ever since I ranted at him at the bridge park that day, he hadn’t disappeared without a trace.

However, he always stared blankly at the mirror in the house.

One day, Jiang Shen suddenly said to me, “Let’s throw this mirror away.”

I asked, “Why? Haven’t you always been reluctant to throw it away?”

He said, “Before, I was reluctant, feeling I had to keep some old things with me. But now I feel that some things really should be thrown away.”

My hand trembled, and I almost dropped the cup.

Jiang Shen turned to look at me, his tone tense. “What’s wrong?”

I said, “Are you implying that I…?”

I tried my best to remain calm, but my slightly trembling voice betrayed me. “Is it time to forget you, learn to move on from the past, and embrace a new life in the future?”

Jiang Shen. “…”

He suddenly walked over, put his arm around my shoulder, placed his other hand on the back of my head, gently pulled me close to his body, and then lowered his head.

A butterfly landed on my lips.

I couldn’t describe the feeling; it was soft, clearly warm, yet somehow cool. His voice was hoarse and gentle, yet with an undisguised smile. “Why would you think that?”

Jiang Shen said, “I only want you to never forget me.”

**

When I returned from grocery shopping, Jiang Shen was cleaning up the broken glass on the floor.

I asked, “What happened?”

Jiang Shen. “Your water glass flew off the table by itself and hit the mirror, which then shattered on the floor.”

Me. “…”

It sounded bizarre, but coming from the dead Jiang Shen, I felt it wasn’t so unacceptable; his very existence was bizarre enough.

We had originally planned to sell the mirror to a scrap collector, but we couldn’t find one in the neighborhood. Now, we had no choice but to throw it away.

After dinner, he and I went downstairs to dispose of the mirror.

We put the mirror shards in an old cardboard box, and I wrote “Mirror Shards, Handle with Care” on it to prevent people rummaging through the trash from accidentally touching them.

After throwing out the trash, I looked up at the moon.

The moon was indeed very bright tonight; its light shone on us like a silver veil.

On the way back, Jiang Shen suddenly asked me.

“Nie Qingyu, if I died, would you be sad?”

“Of course.”

So, did you know how outrageous what you wrote in your suicide note was?

Nie Qingyu, don’t be sad; how could I not be sad?

Jiang Shen asked again, “Then will you be with someone else in the future?”

I thought for a moment and answered seriously, “If that person is better than you, more handsome than you, treats me better than you, is more perfect than you…”

As I spoke, I laughed at myself. “But Jiang Shen, are there really people like that in the world?”

He seemed very serious about this question, insisting on going all the way. “If there really are, would you marry him?”

I lowered my head, looking at my shadow on the ground. The shadow walked ahead of me, and I stepped on my own shadow. “There might be many people like that in the world, but… none of them are you.”

I didn’t dare to look back and think about it—

What if Jiang Shen no longer existed in this world?

Who would buy me ice cream in winter?

Who would buy me a bunch of coats and, when it was cold, when I cried, or when it rained, throw their coat over my head like a small umbrella while they stood in the rain, holding my hand and telling me where to go?

Who else would drop everything and appear before me the moment I need them most?

Who would worry about the dangers of walking alone at night, whether I’ve eaten enough, or whether I’ve slept well?

I looked up and realized Jiang Shen was no longer beside me.

I looked around in panic, only to hear his voice behind me.

“Nie Qingyu, you’re walking too fast.”

As I walked forward, stepping on my shadow, he stopped. The moonlight fell on his handsome face, like a soft-focus filter. I wanted to turn off the filter, to stop him from looking at me with that unfairly beautiful face and those eyes.

He had been watching me from behind for a very long time.

I had a strange feeling.

Everything he had just done… it seemed like he wasn’t asking me but asking himself.

What if one day, in Jiang Shen’s world, Nie Qingyu was no longer there?

I suddenly asked, almost as if possessed.

“Jiang Shen, what are those three characters that were crossed out on the suicide note?”

If he said, “I love you,” I wouldn’t believe him.

If he loved me, he wouldn’t have committed suicide. If he loved me, he wouldn’t have written it and then crossed it out. Was “I love you” some unspeakable, shameful phrase?

After a long silence, the young man in the moonlight finally spoke.

His voice seemed hoarse, his eyes slightly red, revealing a sorrow as if he had lost millions.

Finally, three words I almost missed were uttered from his bloodless lips.

Jiang Shen said, “I am sorry¹.”

Nie Qingyu, I am sorry; don’t be sad.

His hand, hidden behind his back, where I couldn’t see it, was clutching a ring box.

Inside was a pair of lovers’ rings, silver bands inlaid with diamonds, engraved with our names.

He returned to the country early to keep it from me, to give me a surprise.

Nine hundred and ninety-nine roses—a cliché, but part of the proposal.

Besides the roses, there were many other arrangements I didn’t know about.

He took a midnight flight back for this, without a moment’s rest.

If Jiang Shen hadn’t died in the hotel on the 26th, he would have waited for me to get off work, called me, and used the excuse of asking me to pick something up for him, tricking me into going to the place he had arranged.

The proposal I never wanted, the engagement…

And every step of our future.

He had planned it all before the wedding.

These plans were all in his phone’s notes, as I went through all his past traces…

How long must I keep lying to myself?

The Jiang Shen before me could cook, could drive, and even bought an extra ticket when he went to the Yangshan Scenic Area.

How could he be a ghost, or someone I’ve imagined?

He was a living, breathing person.

That suicide note was definitely written by him, so he knew the contents of the blacked-out note.

He was Jiang Shen.

But Jiang Shen was dead.

“Nie Qingyu,”

He said to me, “There are many people in the world who aren’t as stupid as you, as slow-witted as you, as prone to crying as you, and as pretty as you, and… none of them are you.”

“I only like you.”